Are you Going to Play Naughty or Nice this Christmas?
This morning I had a breakfast date set up with a friend.
I waited. And waited some more. After about 20 minutes of checking my phone, memorizing the menu, and playing Jenga with the salt and pepper shakers, I considered getting up to go, but I was stopped by two things: (1) My friend texting me to say she was just leaving (😖), and (2) the thought that: If she doesn’t show up, I think I’m going to enjoy a lovely breakfast here on my own!
Now, that thought NEVER would have entered my mind in the past. Sit in a restaurant by myself and eat a meal… by mySELF? What a loser! What a loner!
But, no, I kind of liked the idea. In fact, I started imagining myself there with a big load of syrupy pancakes, a newspaper (okay, my phone), and that big ol’ table all to myself with unlimited cups of coffee. It didn’t sound lonely. In fact, it sounded kind of nice.
And that’s the key word: nice.
You see, I’m convinced that people’s loneliness is exacerbated when they don’t play “nice” with themselves.
Maybe you can relate.
The equation goes something like this: “If I’m lonely, it must mean ________ about me.” Or, “If I’m lonely, it must mean ______ about others.” Or, “If I’m lonely, it must mean _____ about God”…. or some rendition of this.
When I think back to my own lonely seasons, I now realize that the biggest contributor to my loneliness was not other people (or lack thereof); it was my own beliefs about my loneliness. Meaning, the judgements I was saying to myself about my loneliness.
But being lonely doesn’t MEAN anything bad about you. It probably just means you’re needing some connection. Connection with others, but more importantly, connection with yourself.
Connection with yourself?
Yep. You see, you can be a lot less lonely if you like the person you’re with. And let’s face it: we’re ALWAYS with ourselves. But some of us really don’t like being with ourselves. We think the void inside is a void for others (and I’m not saying it’s not), but sometimes the void is painful because of those inner judgements I was talking about. Beating up on yourself for being lonely. Calling yourself names for feeling alone.
But what if you could be your own best company? What if you could be your own best ally?
How? you ask?
To start, you gotta drop the judgements. You gotta drop the stinkin’ thinkin’ victim thinkin’. You gotta make a commitment to love yourself, even IF you’re lonely. Even WHEN you’re lonely.
“You gotta drop the judgements. You gotta drop the stinkin’ thinkin’ victim thinkin’.”
Can’t find anyone to hang out with on a Friday night? Maybe it’s an opportunity to snuggle up with your favourite rom-com or go to that store you’ve always wanted to. Your friends are all busy tonight? Drop-in at your local yoga centre. Grab a McD’s ice-cream cone on the way home. Turn up the tunes.
Be nice… to yourself.
The Christmas season is here. And over 50% of Canadians report feeling depressed, isolated or anxious during the holiday season.
Maybe you’re one of those who struggles with loneliness during the holidays. You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you can change your posture toward yourself. You can decide to play “nice” even when you’re feeling lonely. To drop the judgements and pick up joy in spite of someone being around or not.
Decide you’re going to be “nice,” because there’s a mighty nice person within you just waiting to be known.
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