Do you ever have that sense of restlessness? You’re going through life, getting up, going to work, doing your thing, and everything is fine, but you’re not fine?

That was me. For a couple of years. On paper, I had it all.

Several years ago, my friend Heather sent me a care package. In it was a little gratitude journal called 101 Joys Make a Rainbow. The idea was that every day you’d record something you were grateful for and then fold the page. When you were done the booklet, you’d have an entire rainbow of “joys.”

Something stinks. I don’t know what it is, but every time I walk into the mudroom of my house, there’s this, this…stench that wafts from…somewhere. It’s gross. It’s disgusting. And it’s driving me crazy.

What the heck is that smell?

In case you’re wondering, I’m not against gratitude. In fact, I recently spent an entire year posting a daily photo and blurb on social media for something I was grateful for each day of the year.

I’m not a morning person. And I’m especially not a Monday-morning person. In fact, I hate Mondays so much that I tend to ruin my Sunday in anticipation of Monday. Like what’s wrong with that, right?

I’m here again. After a six-month hiatus from my depression and anxiety, it’s back. When I was “out of it,” back in a clear frame of mind, I wasn’t stupid enough to think it could never come back.