Why “Gratitude” and Why “Rebel”?
With a title like “Gratitude Rebel,” you might think I’m against gratitude.
I’m not. In fact, I recently spent an entire year posting a daily photo and blurb on social media for something I was grateful for each day of the year.
People loved it. I had friends say, “Lovin’ your Gratitude challenge,” OR “Checking to see what you’ve posted today!” So, you’d think that when a mentor suggested I write about the benefits of my 365-day Gratitude Challenge, I would have said “Yes.”
Instead, I heard a resounding “No” come out of my mouth.
“You don’t understand,” I whined, “it was just ‘meh.’ I didn’t find it that meaningful,” I went on and on.
It was true. In fact, in many ways I found it a bit of a pain. Sometimes I’d get to the end of the day and be like, “Oof, I still have to post my gratitude challenge!” And then I’d scramble to think about something I was thankful for or scroll through my photos to FIND something I was thankful for.
It didn’t have the result I thought it might.
It didn’t go down deep.
And that’s when it hit me: I’m not against practices like gratitude; I’m against applying these methods when you haven’t first done the hard, deep work of self-acceptance.
When you’re a highly depressed or anxious person, many Christian practices, such as gratitude don’t do the work they’re meant to do. It’s like they hit an internal wall, they bounce back off your heart, they’re not injected deep into the marrow of your soul.
At least that has been my experience.
When I was going through the throws of deep depression and anxiety, I was desperate to get better. And my friends and family were desperate to help me too. Well-meaning folks would suggest I see a Christian counsellor, delve into Scripture, spend quiet time in prayer, maybe focus on the good things in my life rather than the bad.
I tried. Oh my goodness, I tried. I literally spent thousands of dollars, crossed thousands of miles, asked for prayer thousands of times, and prayed till I was practically purple. I tried all the Christian “methods” available at my disposable.
Nothing worked. And I felt alone. Worse, I felt defective.
And so, eventually, I did something brave. I did something a bit rebellious.
I stopped.
I stopped reading the Bible (horrors!). I stopped going to church (gasp!). I stopped practicing gratitude (yikes!), I even stopped praying for a while (uh oh!).
Yep. And when I gave myself permission to heal in other ways than the traditional Christian norm… when I realized that God was much larger than the typical practices I grew up with…most importantly, when I finally came to a place of self-acceptance, I began to heal. Because this was my truth: even if the entire world said they accepted me—or God Himself came knocking on my door to tell me of my acceptance—it wouldn’t have made a difference unless I could first accept myself.
Because even if the entire world said they accepted me—or God Himself came knocking on my door to tell me of my acceptance—it wouldn’t have made a difference unless I could first accept myself.
And so to answer your question: Am I against gratitude? (Or Bible reading? Or prayer? Or church?) No, in fact, many of these things are being restored to me. But these practices may not be working for YOU, sister, because you still haven’t come to a place of self-acceptance.
So, this online place is dedicated to women who want to be mentally well but haven’t been helped by typical Christian practices. It’s for those in the church who are ready to give themselves permission to heal in perhaps new and creative ways than what’s been told, without giving up their faith. It’s for those who have had “enough” of the struggle and are ready to tip their toes into becoming more self-accepting.
This place is for YOU.